Centering Your Mind after a Heart Felt Pain.

One of the most life changing incidents in a young girl's life is when she feels her first heartbreak. It may be from a close friend, a significant boy (especially), or a family member (such as a divorce of the parents). However the case, at this time is when they can learn what they are able to keep guarded and what to put out there still, on a plate to offer the world. This special time shapes who we really are. And as life furthers, we learn we experience more and more of these so called "heartaches" at special times. And at one certain point and time, it will be with a special guy, and then you will realize none of the other heartaches could compare really or are ever really able to be as strong as this significant one, when it comes to a first love. Some girls, a guy, affects in a more traumatic outcome and keeps them more closed out to other person(s) throughout their next chapters or experiences, and others use this experience, right away, instead as a challenge and escape to build upon them self a newer form of a more understanding version of themselves to trauma(s) or other people. They then tend to have a new, more soft reserve, which has an exclusive attitude of more empathy and sympathy in life situations. Although, the heartache was a drag, it is actually quite a positive outreach, and prepares them for whatever comes next in this life. Being the fact that they are more mature and stronger through experience, and as said understanding of the fact that this life isn't so "easy peasy".

But all the while, women should keep these special, magical words of the granted, special book, the Bible, close to companion, which are to "Keep your Heart Guarded." This goes for every situation and every guy, no matter, how soft or aggressive he tends to be. You need to have your boundaries and limits, even though your feelings may be thinking otherwise, because once you feel that first heartbreak, you will have to know how to live with it afterwards.

In this blog, I will talk about how to center your mind after a traumatic heartache, and get back to a normal outlook of living in the safest form of outlet, as we tend to go off the road a bit, with these experiences. If you understand yourself more as you go through the stages after a heartache, or even a person near and dear to you, going through such, then you will be better aware on how to handle the situation, as well as not feel so much like an "outsider" or "isolated" to your surroundings, when it tends to happen. Because when these heartaches happen in your life feeling like an outsider is so easy. It is the first and foremost, deepest feeling you will encounter throughout all the stages, which will cause you to even lead to more depression, if you don't have an acceptance to the fact of what is really going on. Here, let's talk about how to conquer all of this and more. I will congregate, all the stages, right here, in this blog, and you will learn or get hints of how to conquer each. I will mainly tackle heart aches with significant others, as that is the most frequent problem of girls in emotional pain, compared to other situations.

First off, is DENIAL. When we first experience a heartbreak, it can be so traumatizing, that we don't want to except the rejection from the person or the situation, or from the universe. We close ourselves in. We close our eyes to the whole situation. We close our eyes to the world, and even to others. Now, I have mentioned earlier, isolation. Well, actually it tends to happen right away. We are so stubborn in what our heart was pounding and craving for, that we don't want to accept that what we want, we can't have. Some people this stage lasts, just three months, others it can last years. Denial is actually the most dangerous outcome of a situation, because it shuts off the part of our brain that tells us what is right and wrong, and what is and isn't. We then are left confused and alone to ourselves, because we lose all reasons. As this furthers, we cannot help ourselves, because we enter further into a darker hole, and then eventually tend to start to have a pessimistic view on situations or people, which leads to resentment and blame to the world, universe, or the people we were meant to love.

The only solution to this stage, is to stop in your tracks right away when you hear those thoughts of hatred towards yourself or others, or you see yourself losing reasonable thought to life and situations. Yes, you need to process things and it is a healthy manner to feel what you need to feel, but let it be felt in a reasonable way. Be alone for a few minutes or just two days, but then after that you need a companion... whether you like it or not. You need to go out, get fresh air, and talk to the right people. And by the right people, I mean the people who are not just there for fun, but the people you can count on in trouble, who are there with you through thick and thin, and want what is best for you and mean for the best for you. A close, long time friend, a trusted kapatid, or your other relatives... whatever place, or who ever, get out of that hole you already dug yourself into that could become deeper and deeper leading to the next stages of a heartache, that could hurt you even more. Then staying with that companion or trusting person(s) for a couple of weeks, who know what you are going through, is the right solution. Being open always, to what you are feeling is more than okay. It is human to feel. Usually during these times some people, esp. men, don't like to know the fact that they can get hurt or actually have feelings. It is okay, but you need to let it out eventually, or the slower the process is. It will be like a haunting weed in your system that will eat everything dry and kill you until you burst out your emotions or the words you are feeling that you really need to talk about. Sometimes we need to face a particular person during these times, even though it may be tough, but just do everything in a sensitive, smart fashion, respecting your feelings first and foremost, and then the feelings of others, delicately. Actually, during these times, it is more than okay to be selfish, because we are hurting, so that means that there are things left unsaid on your part, that need to be said. Just don't do anything that you will regret, and remember "Take the Chances."

Second, comes the BLAME and resentment. I already noted this off a little above, but I will further explain them, both. Blame and resentment are a little alike, but actually totally different here in this stage. However, I have combined them, here, because they tend to happen in the same manner at the same time. I will first talk about blame. Blame is okay to feel, because we need to analyze what we did wrong and what we did right, but only for a moment and time. Resentment usually comes at this time also, and is felt a little, because of the blame. We can blame ourselves for a few minutes, hours, or days, because we need to learn from our mistakes. Yes, we may feel a little resentment. It goes hand in hand with the feeling of blame, especially if we regret something. However, don't let it eat you alive. It doesn't matter where any resentment came from, but if you allowed yourself to feel it, after analyzing your situation for a time, to a manner of leading to depression, this is not healthy. On another note, no matter what happens, just remember "You didn't know then,". Even if you think you knew, "You didn't know then." We are all human. We make mistakes. Just know that those mistakes you made, is because of the fact, that you thought they were okay to make them when you did them for certain facts, and certain situations that led to those facts.

In this life, we have to let heartache be felt only for a fleeting moment, but having punishment to yourself will not solve anything. God already took all the punishment on the cross. He doesn't want to see you still hoarding some here, still on Earth, because we were meant to "Live". And, if it is still difficult, because of a bond of love we felt to someone or a situation... for example, you didn't tell someone how you felt at the right time or you broke someone's heart without intention, or made a simple mistake... just remember, the word "facts", here on Earth, will become your best friend. "Facts" are what you yourself, have to rely on during cruel times. Yes, this world is hard, but when you look at all the "facts" in the situations you faced and why this happened the way it did, instead of always feeling certain feelings, without conclusion, afterwards, and when you felt what was need to be felt, you will get through the situation(s) and survive. It will help you process everything further and more reasonably. Then afterwards, you can feel the blame. Then afterwards you can feel the resentment, but only for a certain period. Remember that. Writing in a journal, and using prayers, always helps at these times. Writing actually helps you process everything. That's actually why a percentage of people keep diaries. And it is more than okay, to have one, at some point in your life, or even a majority period of it.

Thirdly, on our little list here, is the most typical of all of them... PAIN. You will experience pain. No doubt about that, after a heartbreak or heartache. Usually during these times we will tend to hide in our bed. We will be become stagnant in all our daily activities. We will become like a "white-board". Totally blank. We will look like we are blank. And we will be totally and literally, blank. During this time, to just put it as simply said, we are in total pain. And we have no idea or any how of how to process it, but just stop for a moment in our lives and let it sink in. Sometimes it sinks in too much, but usually if you have reached this stage, you have also reached the stage of experiencing a little "depression". Yes, this is human. Don't let this word get to you. It is normal, or we wouldn't be living a life without experiencing this a little. However, the scary thing at this time, is that some people let it last longer than it should. This would then be the time, to understand, that "THIS is not normal." You have to repeat those words to yourself, if it leads down a scary path. Some people who go down a deeper hole, are so deep in their own thoughts, that they don't realize what is happening or what they are doing to themselves. They start to accumulate a behavior that is not who they really are, and they lose all strength. They lose conscience of what is wrong and what is right in everyday decision making, based on past pain and hurt. They tend to let the situation shape them in a way, as to make up for what happened in the past, or what happened when they got hurt or worst, when they think they hurt someone else, instead. Actually, if you have never experienced this, you are quite lucky, because the women who actually experience this, are a result of not having someone to confide in, or are just in a simple state of shock, because of what happen, even if it has been for such a long period of time. Even if it has been for months, or even, some... years. However, eventually the people are fortunate wake up from this "shock" and tend to PROCESS everything.

The best thing to do at this time, is actually seeking professional help, and slowly conquering everything through time, with baby steps. It actually shouldn't have happened this way, if you alerted and took caution during the first two stages. However, sometimes we are unfortunate in controlling sometimes, the uncontrollable. And this is okay.

Stage four, is the PROCESSING. At this stage, it is the beginning of healing. And at this stage we feel like we are finally accepting what is and what isn't, like we should've since the beginning, actually. But what can we say, life happens. And everything is all normal, as long as we don't hurt someone else emotionally, or physically, in the process of pain. Just kidding. Processing, is as simple as it is said. It is when we forgive ourselves and we tend to let go. Self-forgiveness is one of the most fulfilling feelings to feel in this lifetime, because once we felt it, it is the biggest achievement to pain. It is actually the most biggest, hardest step for an individual who has put on self-blame, because we are tied to the fact that we have to be "perfect" for ourselves, for others, and for situations. So if you have every experienced any of this, pat yourself on the back, because forgiving someone else is easy, but when it is on us, we tend to take it in a different lead.

On that matter, when you finally let go and forgive yourself, you can also forgive everything else that happened, because "You" are the matter, that was tied and linked to it all. Just remember, now a days, people are living in a busy, fast-paced world. They have many duties, responsibilities. They don't, or even, you don't, have time to sit down and think to yourself, like we all wish we could, so if you ever feel like going to a therapist, if you notice any signs that are not normal during a heartache, please, don't second think it because of the fact, of the note "doctor" on that name. It is more and more normal these days, because of the lifestyle of individuals. And yoga, is also a good medicine, if you don't like writing in a diary or talking to someone, always.

Source of Image:

Dream_One. "Sad girl near window thinking about something: trouble, thoughts." ShutterStock. <https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-6556229-sad-girl-near-window-thinking-about-something>. August 27, 2019.