It's Too Late to Be Mad, Now.

Some of us live with regret for years or most of our life. If you are lucky and fortunate, and maybe a rare few, or if you may deem it normal, you may not have any regrets in your past life. This is awesome, but for me, even though I am the one writing this blog, I have a lot, and actually some "haunted" stories in my closet, which I don't like to think about that still affect me til this day, even when I want otherwise, of course. But this blog will be a lesson to me, and maybe even to you. I titled this blog "It's too late to be mad now," because in reality it certainly is, every time you reflect back on a certain mistake you have made in your past or that someone else made. I will talk about how it is unhealthy living with these skeletons in our closet, and how when you release it, you also set forth your life in a new light towards the direction it was meant all along.

Firstly, heading straight into this blog (I will just dive at it, because regrets are a big problem of mine too), living with a regret, is like living with a scary ghost, that you constantly reflect on and think, "I'm so angry at myself." Yes, this may be reasonable, and it actually is quite the norm. You need to teach yourself a lesson. Well, at least, right? Am I right? Hindi! No!!!

As I mean to say. You learned, yes, but forever, is a new term for leaving out forgiveness in that 10 commandments. That's a number one biggy there. The reason we have the Bible, is to be successful and to send love upon our self, which even though we are a Sinner, we deserve because of God. Because God knew we would make mistakes and already took it all up on to Himself, at the Cross, ages ago. So, Yes, you can actually reflect on these times you did wrong, the times you also did wrong and you knew you were doing wrong deep down inside while you were doing them, especially, (which hurts the even more) but what's it worth to you? Don't you think you deserve more than that? You are simply wasting your time.

Actually some people waste their time thinking "negative" thoughts about them self, half of their life time, to only realize in the end, on their death bed, that "I wish I paid attention to the people around me."

Being harsh on yourself in an unhealthy manner, which you sometimes think is reasonable, but is actually quite selfish and insanely stupid. It stops you from your life and then from being a blessing to others, because you are so caught up in yourself. How can you be an aid to those around you, when you are so consumed in your thoughts of how you did wrong at times? Right? Yes, exactly, right, on that term. If you want a life to "make up" for that mistake, because that is what you are doing, right? Punishing yourself, by being angry at yourself, to make up for what you did. Well, then instead, don't think about yourself in a negative light. Bring positivity and forgiveness into that picture, and then shine your kindness through your GENUINE happiness... all the kindness and your whole you have to give. That is what our life is meant for. Easier said than done. Well, let me break down possible outlets and solutions, here. Our biggest trials are when we hit a point of self forgiveness in this life, because forgiving others is easy as I have stated in my other blogs, but forgiving yourself is, on the other hand, a God send, if you can. Here in this blog, I will talk about why it is okay to forgive yourself, and how it affects your surroundings, especially the people you love.

First off, letting go and moving on proves more productive, because it is what was meant for you all along. That trial was meant to happen. It was NOT something God put there on accident. It would have come around whether you liked it or not, eventually, because all the happenings that occurred in your life before hand led to the decision you made, when that regret happened. So, why not just forget about it, and do right next time, right? Everyone does this naturally, but some few or even rather many, still live with that same, old "story" in their backbones, of "I've did wrong" when another kind reminder of the problem arises. This is what is called as a self inflicting trauma. Actually, I just made that up, but, in all reality, this is unfair. Not to you. You can do whatever you want to yourself, and live your life miserable, like you want, right? If that's what you want. Right? That is what you want? But most importantly, this is unfair to those around you. In a solving manner, some people think that by focusing on other activities, it simply just counts. They may think they have forgiven the situation or them self, or even others, but they still live with a burden from day to day. Actually, I will stop now, to say, I shouldn't be so harsh on those who live with a pain, but, hey, actually, living with a burden to some people is a false alarm of "I'm okay," with a lost closure. Maybe you made a vow to yourself, to never do what you did before when you did that mistake, or you made a vow to make up for it, but you haven't totally forgiven yourself. Here's how...

A Trusted Backbone: Talking to someone who was in the situation, or someone that nurtured and made you grow as an individual, and guides you in your decisions through rough times is always a big help. And they will tell you the same I am telling you here, that you may deep down know is right, but also at the same time, cannot accept because of your anger towards yourself, which is simply the fact that "It is okay what happened, because it wasn't your fault. You didn't know at that time." Or maybe even, "You can't do anything about it, now." Three things I will point out here, because you keep hearing the repeated words of these people at times... keeping the right people close in your life count, and also keeping God, who is the most important of these persons, close, is the even better. You need God, and you need a physical, tangible being to talk to always. And lastly, I will mention that you need spirit food, which is not just words from the Bible, but encounters with daily life motions or activities, that shed a light or a reminder on your situation. A beautiful touch with nature or worship service at Church works for some people to see what you are really facing and sacrificing in this life when you take for granted yourself and your surroundings. Getting outside of the house. Being involved with a group of friends. Falling in love again (if you are a spare lucky one). Engaging in your passions. These are spirit foods. They remind us why we live. That we deserve better. And that you certainly do too.

Balanced Living: And bring your mind everywhere, explore! Balance, is a reminder of what is healthy in this life time because it is the correct manner of living. You need to have a "planned" out agenda for everything. What I mean is a balanced outlet of living. The right time for friends. The right time for work. The right time for vacation. And so on... even the right time for exercise, which I should mention at this point, is important along with your nutrition. Because these two factors play a major role in your mental well being sometimes, which may add to any negative thoughts or feelings at times.

Processing: Secondly, you need to accept yourself, as you are, that you were a "failure". If in fact you were. Processing this encountered problem of a regret is another story necessary in a final closure. And then instead of making up for it, when you realized you did wrong, promise yourself to live your life, the life you deserve. We don't make up for things, in fact. God did that already, remember? At the Cross. You already made up for it, by being a part of that occurrence anyways. Giving yourself an "easy" out, isn't deemed selfish. Actually an easy out, is a "correct" termed route, on that note, because you deserve more, even when you think you don't.

It is actually selfless. Because the people around you, if you notice, are all waiting for your true self to show up in this life. And they deserve more too. Especially if you look them in the eyes, or have a direct talk of the situation, you can tell right away, what they are really hinting at you in their body gestures and underlying points of their headed conversations.

Processing takes time, however. Actually forgiving yourself right away, isn't what usually happens in the situation, depending on what went down. It takes time to process what happened during your trauma or even just simple or even minor problem and then think what to do, especially if you were hurt. Once you do figure it all out, in the end, anyways, and reflect on all the tail ends of the situation that came down, don't forget to think of asking yourself next: "What do I want to do?... And who do I want to be, for myself, and in return, in affect those around me?" Never give up on yourself.

Writing: Sometimes what is best is writing a letter to yourself and storing it away in an envelope and leaving it in a special place in your room or home office or maybe even a treasured safe. In that letter, you can talk about what happened and process it better. You can probably figure everything out. Maybe there is more than one regret that you have in that situation that happened that is leading you to feel the even worse and more confused. Then write also on how to solve the problem, by pointing out what character you can change, so it will not happen again, but not in a way to make up for what happened, as I will remind, but in a way to know what is wrong and right next time. Then after a few weeks or months, rip it up or even burn it on the kitchen stove or living room fire place. It feels good to let go of a problem in this sort of manner. Closure is important, because you are not a robot. People make wrongs all the time, or you would not be right in the head to begin with. Stop expecting so much from yourself, even if it is out of a sincerity or even if it is out of a care or love for another person(s). Would they want that for you, in return? Just think. And if they would, they aren't important.

Brain Food: Meditation and yoga, actually help those with burdens a lot of times. It is actually becoming quite a trend these day, because it is actually a new, healthy "way of life" once you get into the gist or habit of the people who grow fond of it. And if you are one of the few, who are willing to admit, you want help with a therapist, this is the smartest solution, because it is such an aggressive easy out.

Saying Sorry: Another easy out on that note, I should now and finally mention is going to the people who were involved in the situation when it happened, and saying sorry, directly. In a fact, this lifts pounds off your back and gets you heading in the right motives. This is common sense, but some people actually forget this factor of saying sorry to others or asking others forgiveness, because of shame and confusion routed in the problem. Actually this is the first thing you should let go of and take action in, in the start, if you are really suffering a burden. And remember, their forgiveness is not your duty to reminisce on. You can care about their loss, but care about what is more important first. And that is you. Just do your part.

In all, do anything to live the life you deserve always, and that life that those others around you, who are watching you, who are in affect of it, deserve also, in return! If you even have to say a prayer over someone's grave, go to an alter, go to a priest, go to a confession room, anything like that, or simply even saying sorry to the loved ones of that person who you made a wrong towards, it takes all the burdens away. That road you came upon in your life, was meant for you to figure a way out of. Forgiveness is the biggest release of all your fears, in this lifetime. Talking with a professional, such as a therapist or priest, helps in releasing all the things you need to realize actually "on your own". Yes, it is a journey meant for you, solely, because you need processing time, and it is your own battle, but with the help of others. You are not always alone.

Actually, why is it selfish to hoard in burdens onto yourself, in all, truly? Because the people around you want to feel you in your present state. You are never fully there, when you hold a part of your past, with you, always. You can not perform at your true form and true light. There is something different about a person, when they have a momentum of a light, easy personality, compared to a person who is more melodramatic, and melancholy, or even silent at times. It may take months to talk about the issue or even two years to realize about what happened, when it came down, if it really went down bad, but think about the life God led out for you to live. It isn't just for your own good, but for those around you. It isn't selfish to want to be happy. It is selfless. That desire of wanting to be happy was created in you for a purpose. So that in fact, in a return, you could serve others with that genuine happiness through your passions, mood, motives and goals. If you are not being happy, you are not giving your best. This blog is about giving your best. So be selfless, this time. Don't wait until your death bed, to only realize, in the end, all the life you lost a chance to give.

Actually the best solution to self forgiveness, is when you have allowed care and love from others to enter the coldest parts of all your being. When you have had a real talk or a real deeper feeling from others that you are a worth while being and it cannot be ignored. This feeling of acceptance, transforms into also an acceptance towards yourself. For the people who experience this, regrets are much easier to overcome. So in all, just open yourself up always in this life, and keep in mind to keep prayer close. God cares.

Sources for Images:

"The Importance of Women Supporting Other Women: The Authentic Woman Series." August 14, 2018. Web. The Strong Suit. Your Style. Your Strength. <https://www.thestrongsuit.co/2018/08/the-importance-of-women-supporting.html>. November 21, 2019.